Content With The Now

I love me some goal planning. Planning my future and mapping out all the could be's. Lists on lists. I know this about myself. This part of me has been the driving force that has resulted in some big positive decisions in my life, marriage and even parenting. But I also know sometimes I can get carried away, idea after idea. Before I have even completed one thing, I'm already dreaming and plotting the next and the cycle goes on and on. I sometimes don't give things enough time to settle before I'm jumping on another band wagon.

I crave the ability to be content. To live in the now. To embrace the everyday moment of today. I'll be honest, this does not come naturally to me. Am I the only one who struggles with this? This week it has come to my attention that I might need to learn how. To take conscious bits of time out of my day until it does become natural. Because life is zooming by. When my attention is constantly on the future, I miss out on the joys of today.

This week I suddenly became more aware. Turns out Maeve only knows one line out of the 12 Days of Christmas and she really gives it all she's got. "FIVE GOLDEN RINGS!" Olive has been showing me all the ballet moves she has been practicing so that we will put her in lessons. Her determination is pretty cute, so I'll definitely will be looking into that this week. The moment I watched Maeve fall so hard and Olive ran to her side to comfort her. Watching Maeve play with the bathroom door every time Olive has to go and hear them bicker back and forth over it is hilarious. I took a night off the usual bath or TV routine and just talked with Rob. Realizing we both had so much to say. Seeing his face go from exhaustion to happiness as he walks in from a long day of work to see us.

This week I am learning that as much as I can be a dreamer and a planner it is also possible to be present and content with the now. I think of these little moments this past week and feel so much joy for where I am at right now. Although there is always room to grow and improve, this place feels so perfectly un-perfect.

Can I Put You Out?

I think as a society, we are told growing up, the goal is to be self-sufficient. Eventually you won't live on your parent's dime, you'll get your license,  get a job, work towards a career, maybe own a house. So we continue with this mentality of relying on ourselves more then others.

When you become a new parent your told at least once "Your world is going to be flipped upside down". They are right in about every way! Including this way of thinking because to truly get through parenthood you have to reach out. You have to rely on other people for things you never thought in a million years you would ever need. I've learned in the world of parenting to be self-sufficient is isolating, lonely and quite depressing. They say it takes a village but no one tells you, you need to ask the village for help. That you would need to say, "hey I am lonely, I need company". Or, "hey I'm exhausted can you love on my baby while I take a nap". Or, "hey this isn't working do you have any ideas".

I used to be that self-sufficient person to a fault and I still can fall into it when I am not paying attention. I hide in my own little world where I don't need help from anyone. You can do it all on your own, but I guess why would you want to. Maybe because you're worried of what that will say about you or maybe you don't want to put anyone out.

When I had my first, Olive, I used to cry myself to sleep at night thinking why does anyone do this. I would tell baby Olive all about how I used to have a life and friends and now it's just me and her and her dad. I would beg my husband to get home early everyday. I thought by asking for help meant I wasn't a good mom. Or if I said out loud that I was miserable that meant I didn't love Olive. That maybe that meant I was being selfish and ungrateful for this absolute blessing in my life. I would tell myself these terrible things everyday. Somehow my silence and self-sufficiency would prove those statements false. I've now realized asking for help is strength. Inviting people in only gives me and my kids the opportunity for more love.

I truly think we need to break through this cycle. Put people out! I love going out of my way for others. I embrace the out of the blue phone call or text. Maybe one day it will feel natural for me and I won't give everyone 50 chances out of doing me a favor.

It's not to say you're never going to have a lonely day or you're never going to have a helpless moment again. But by inviting people in has helped my days where I am alone because I'm refreshed, loved and inspired.

So feel free to make the first step me. Message me anytime, ask me anything. Put me out! I'd love it :)