The Enemy of Time

I never have enough time. I look at the clock and I am always shocked at where the time goes. I can remember in the past, where a second felt like 30 and an hour felt like infinity. But today there never seems to be enough of it. It is the pains of trying to figure out where to spend our time or the efforts to maximize it by doing multiple things at once. I miss time! That feels like such a crazy thing to say. I miss writing on this blog. I miss more time with my family. I miss being available to friends and family to help and hangout whenever. I have to let it go. I have to embrace this new fast paced life that feels like it is filled to the max. It is where I need to be right now.

I think my roles in life being a wife, mother, family, friend, bookkeeper, and student have all taken on different meanings. All of them I go into with more purpose then before. When you do have time, you take it for granted, lazy movie nights on the couch with your husband, baking cookies with the kids just cause and hour long conversations on the phone with family and friends. Now when these moments happen, I just soak them in. When I do make time for things I love it is done with so much more thought then before. When my little family of four are together and doing something together it feels way more important then it used to. I have always valued time. I am always easily offended if someone makes me waste it. But now it feels more sacred then ever!

Starting this past fall season, I was caught off guard by all the change which seemed to fall into my winter and spring. I honestly expected things to slow down by now but they haven't. I think just in the last little while I have started to realize that that's okay. I don't have to give up anything I was, I just have to lower my expectations a bit. I’m learning to say no I cant do that. I’m learning it is ok to take breaks and guilt free moments to do the things I love like writing this post. I'm learning less time with my kids and husband doesn't mean I love them any less, just means we are going to have more quality time then the quantity of time we had before. I feel like it has taken me a couple months to get past all the anxieties and guilt I have been holding onto. I have needed time to adjust and learn to manage my time a little better. Please tell me I am not the only one battling the clock. So if you are reading this wondering where the heck I have been, I too have been wondering the same thing. I think I have finally caught up to myself and can’t wait to share more. Pictures are from Father’s day. Rob chose to take the kids and I fishing. The kids had a blast surprisingly. Definitely one of those days I just soaked up every minute with these three.

Our Song

It's nearly dusk, we are both exhausted from a long day of packing, driving, pitstops and a motion sick child. We no longer can find a radio station without static and with wearing patience you throw on the iPod that hasn't been updated in years. You choose an old favourite. A knowing smile spreads across your face, as we burst into song. As I sit there with my hand held in yours, I try to think of what our song is. Waves of memories come back to me. All the music that has carried us through the different stages of our life together.

Would it be that last week of summer, when you asked me to be your girlfriend? Wasn't it the B.O.B presents: The Adventures of Bobby Ray album that you would put on repeat? Every time one of his songs would come on I would always think of you. How you would play "Lovelier Than You" and say the only person you could think of is me.

Or maybe it's when we were on our honeymoon, making our way to BC. After all the busyness of getting married, we dropped the ball on music for the drive. Having only one CD to keep us going for 13 hours, which didn't take too long to get old. I laugh and cry as you obnoxiously sing "I Did It Again" by Luke Bryan just trying to stay awake and alert on the twisting mountain roads through the night.

When we became new parents. Our little Olive had a favourite artist, Whitney Houston, and two parents that couldn't sing one note on key. "All At Once" was her personal favorite. Sang over and over again. We were both tired and exhausted but you still would sing with me almost to just let me know we were in this together.

As you start to sing "Alright" by Darius Rucker, I smile because this song with you right now is just us. As we get closer and closer to Lake Erie to vacation with family and friends, I can't help looking forward to what song will be ours next.

Happy 6th Anniversary!

Rob and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary on Sunday. There are some days I can't believe that it was 6 years ago we said, I do and other days where I'm asking, "Are you sure it hasn't been longer!?" When I think back to my idea of what marriage looked like when I married my husband, I was pretty naive. Each year I have grown in this relationship. Learned something new with every change along the way. Marriage can bring out the best and the worst all at the same time. 

When I look back on this year, which has been a hard year of change for us, my biggest eye opener is how strong we are capable of being for each other. But, it is a choice we both have to make everyday. Both of us hit lows at different points. In these struggling moments is when I saw our marriage shine. Not because it was easy, not because it didn't hurt, and definitely not because it was pretty. But we looked out for each other in ways that aren't ever clearly defined. No one can prepare you for let downs, set backs, depressions and failures. Now, when I think about those low moments, I remember the shoulder that handled the waves of tears, the cheerleader that never lost their voice, the light in the darkness and the peace that always broke the fight.

I have never loved my husband more! I have never wanted so much to see him succeed and to see him happy. I couldn't be more proud of him, with everything he has had to over come and everything he has yet to achieve. I still stand by him, proud to say he is mine. I am so on board with another year of lows and highs! Isn't the 7th year the hardest? 

Happy Anniversary Babe! I will love you forever and always no matter what is thrown our way! xo Joce