I wake up, turn off my alarm, and think of five compelling reasons to not go to the gym. After about five minutes, guilt of not going consumes me and I roll out of bed. I sit there on the edge of the bed tired and feeling a bit bitter. Sometimes my life feels like the hamster on the wheel and I'm just on the everyday cycle gym, make lunches, make everyone breakfast, eat, shower, get everyone dressed, run to the bus stop in record time, finally get to drink my coffee... and my day goes on the same course with the same routine. Sometimes that bitterness takes a hold of me and I wonder why I go to the gym if I can't lose the weight? Why make Olive a lunch when she never seems to eat it? Why do my girls hair when they both are going to fall out by the end of the day anyways?
Then the wheel stops. I am combing Olive's hair and I see something move. I get this sinking feeling. The school head lice notice that was handed out to her class a week prior was not taken that seriously by me. Rob checked her when the kids were in the bath he didn't see anything and that was that. Well as it turns out, Olive has head lice. Google is my new best friend from this point forward and sending crazy texts to Rob like; "how could you do this to us!?" Like he put head lice in her hair. I tear through the house washing and drying everything possible. Vacuuming everything that can't be run through the wash. My mom came to the rescue with combs and lice treatments. They all suck and all require you to spend back breaking hours over your child's head picking them out one at a time. If you want your patience tested pull lice out of your kids head. How could I let these little bugs get to me so bad!? I can't seem to remember what was so wrong with the wheel in the first place. My house is a disaster. Due to neglect, Maeve tore apart the house behind me. Did every Kleenex need to be pulled out of the box or my earrings shaken all over the floor?
Olive then gave me a hug out of the blue. "Mom, I love you." In the midst of my frustration and anger I choke on the words she just said. I realized I am in no way the hamster on the wheel. I am the wheel, the one that keeps going and turning for them. I wake up every morning and do my best for them and try to do everything I can to keep them going. Being a Mom is the most thankless job there is. I sometimes get so caught up in the game of feeling sorry for myself. "I love you too!" and I give her a squeeze back. I can't believe how lucky I am. Sometimes it is so easy to lose sight on what's important. Although it is rarely said I could see in that moment how much my family values me. How I play a roll in each of their lives. So this week I hold my head a little higher. And I only thought of three compelling reasons to not go to the gym this morning.