The Enemy of Time
I never have enough time. I look at the clock and I am always shocked at where the time goes. I can remember in the past, where a second felt like 30 and an hour felt like infinity. But today there never seems to be enough of it. It is the pains of trying to figure out where to spend our time or the efforts to maximize it by doing multiple things at once. I miss time! That feels like such a crazy thing to say. I miss writing on this blog. I miss more time with my family. I miss being available to friends and family to help and hangout whenever. I have to let it go. I have to embrace this new fast paced life that feels like it is filled to the max. It is where I need to be right now.
I think my roles in life being a wife, mother, family, friend, bookkeeper, and student have all taken on different meanings. All of them I go into with more purpose then before. When you do have time, you take it for granted, lazy movie nights on the couch with your husband, baking cookies with the kids just cause and hour long conversations on the phone with family and friends. Now when these moments happen, I just soak them in. When I do make time for things I love it is done with so much more thought then before. When my little family of four are together and doing something together it feels way more important then it used to. I have always valued time. I am always easily offended if someone makes me waste it. But now it feels more sacred then ever!
Starting this past fall season, I was caught off guard by all the change which seemed to fall into my winter and spring. I honestly expected things to slow down by now but they haven't. I think just in the last little while I have started to realize that that's okay. I don't have to give up anything I was, I just have to lower my expectations a bit. I’m learning to say no I cant do that. I’m learning it is ok to take breaks and guilt free moments to do the things I love like writing this post. I'm learning less time with my kids and husband doesn't mean I love them any less, just means we are going to have more quality time then the quantity of time we had before. I feel like it has taken me a couple months to get past all the anxieties and guilt I have been holding onto. I have needed time to adjust and learn to manage my time a little better. Please tell me I am not the only one battling the clock. So if you are reading this wondering where the heck I have been, I too have been wondering the same thing. I think I have finally caught up to myself and can’t wait to share more. Pictures are from Father’s day. Rob chose to take the kids and I fishing. The kids had a blast surprisingly. Definitely one of those days I just soaked up every minute with these three.