Summer Adjustments

At the start of the summer I came in with all these expectations of late nights, warm days, camp fires, fun and lots of day trips. No more school for Olive and I for these couple months. A chance to do all the things we didn't get a chance to do during the school year. But like most expectations in life, my summer dreams were not even close to the reality. I have found it to be a bit of a process and adjustment these first few weeks of summer to put it lightly.

First week I thought my girls would never get along. First day Maeve punched Olive in the face 3 times. What is happening here!? Finally we got over the hump of them wanting to kill each other and we were hit with the biggest heat wave ever! Now I think I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. A summer both the girls and I can finally get on board with. Lots of swimming in Grandma and Grandpa's pool, trips to the splash pad, crafts and painting. I'm starting to realize that day trips and museums might actually not be a good fit for my kids after all. They are a nice treat every now and then but they are truly their happiest long term with lower key days. 

Parenting always seems to have a weird way of slapping you across the face and yelling YOU'RE WRONG! I really just have to laugh at this whole adjustment period because it has been something else. So here is to laughing at myself, taking a step back, and just seeing where this summer heat takes us. Oh and lots of ice cream! I hope you're having an easier time transitioning into this wonderful season. What do you fill your summer days with?

Behind The Lens

One of my absolute favourite past times is looking back on photos of the girls. Seeing the similarities and the differences between the the two of the them when they were at the same age. Remembering all the laughs, tears and priceless moments. But something that has become more and more apparent to me, is how little I am there. I don't mean physically because most of the time I am the one taking the photo but I am not in a lot of photos. And although I would love to point the finger at Rob I know I have told him not to or avoided it. I find myself thinking to when the girls are going to start looking through these photos and the memories of their childhood. It makes me kind of sad that they won't see my joy and happiness, my pure enjoyment of getting the privilege of being their mom. And I know exactly why I have chosen to be on the other side. When I lose the weight, I'll be in more photos. When I finally get my hair done, I'll be in more photos. When I am all done up, I'll be in more photos. Yes, I am over weight. Yes, I haven't cut my hair in over a year. Yes, there are numerous reasons why I choose to hide and demand to take the photo. Why do I do this and remove myself from the picture? I am terrified of being judged! But I think my biggest critic is myself. Because every time I have been in a photo on social media I've recieved nothing but love from family and friends. 

I'm really trying to put aside the fact that I have not achieved my goals yesterday and really enjoying the moment and place I am in. Letting myself become part of that picture shouldn't be a scary thing. I know when my girls look back on these photos they aren't going to see a straggly, over weight, baggy eyed women like I see, they are going to see a their mom who loves and adores them, who was always there no matter what. I know this may come easier to some then others but I am trying to care less of what I look like (to some capacity) and care more about what that moment meant to us and why we felt the need to document it in the first place. I can't change the past but I can start now by being okay with my imperfections and the things I can't change over night moving forward. I know for most of us, documenting yourself when you are struggling with anything can be a hard task. But I think the key for us to remember is that we aren't documenting the struggle we are capturing a moment. There is more to that moment then the struggle. It is also very humbling to look back see the growth or maybe seeing what you still need some work on. 

So, if you're like me, lets work on this together to love ourselves a little more and not be too worried about what got caught on camera. Give it 5 years and we will all laugh about it right!? I apologize for any no make-up, greasy hair, double chin photos of me going forward ;) I've shared some photos I have been too scared to share before (no judgement some are pretty rough) and a lot  from our attempts at family photos on Family Day.

One Of Those Days...

Normally on any other regular Friday afternoon I am all TGIF with the rest of them. But this last week had been painfully long and felt like one thing after another. Friday was no exception. Our normal Friday routine, since Rob has been in school (almost 3 hours away in Moose Jaw), is to meet him part way in Weyburn after Maeve's nap. This has been working great for us because I get out of making a meal, get our weekly grocery trip out of the way before the weekend and the girls get to see Rob sooner which gives them something to look forward to.

This Friday like every other, we headed off to Weyburn after Maeve's nap. A cop met us on the road and I do what I normally do, quickly panic and make sure I am abiding by the law. Seat belts-check!  Not speeding-check! We are in the clear! Or so I thought... Sure enough I saw him turn around and throw on his lights for none other than me. There I was racking my brain for what I did wrong. I made eye contact. Never make eye contact! Well turns out I was the idiot driving around with expired plates. Well that was humiliating. How do I forget to pay something as serious as that!? So of course I started talking because: 1. I'm embarrassed and 2. I talk when I am nervous. I start going on to this guy about how my husband is gone to school and he normally deals with this stuff blah blah blah and it hits me! We changed our box number this year so we probably didn't receive our notice in the mail which is why I didn't know it was due. A couple years ago when we moved to the area they didn't have any boxes available so we were forced to get a mailbox in the next town over. Needless to say every time I ordered  something online it was confusing because we live on Carlyle Street (in Acrola) and our box number was in Carlyle the town. I was finally fed up and made the switch once I called and found out there was boxes available in Arcola. I pay my insurance yearly, so out of sight, out of mind. I had completely forgot or maybe assumed I had already made the switch. The officer still gave me the $580 ticket but said he would wave it if I could prove I didn't get notice in the mail. Which was nice of him, he really didn't have to do that but still greeeeeaaat. So now, court or a $580 fine that is the question. I mean in a weird way I'm lucky that this happened because otherwise I wouldn't have known my plates were expired to this day. Anyways! There I was, stuck on the side of the road flustered and couldn't find the insurance company's phone number. I called Rob who made the call for me and confirmed what I had thought about the address change. And got me what I needed to get going again.

We finally reach Weyburn. I was forced to go a little slower then usual due to crappy road conditions. Maeve started freaking out right as we pulled into town. I looked back just in time to watch her projectile vomit everywhere! Poor thing has a history of car sickness but it has been months since we have had an episode so I had thought she had grown out of it. Boy was I wrong! We were 5 minutes from the grocery store and there was nowhere to pull over. She was forced to sit in. Finally we made it. An hour trip turned into two. I have never been so relieved to see Rob in that moment. He really came through for me. He cleaned Maeve up while I went to buy her a new coat and hat (which was on sale, score!). I started filling Rob in on the crazy week and the eventful drive all while trying to plow through groceries which I would have normally finished by that point.

Rob was distracting the girls who are hungry and tired and all the sudden Olive is screaming in pain on the ground. What is going on!? I looked at Rob who claimed he wasn't sure what happened. He said he heard her arm crack when he lifted her up and it might have freaked her out. She does have a tendency to amp up the emotions around Rob who is quick to sympathize with her. I could see how terrible Rob felt and the concerned heads turning in our direction so I was like, "Olive enough! You are making Dad feel bad, it was an accident." Suddenly she said her tummy hurt and she had to go potty. So Rob took her and when they got back I noticed Olive's arm hanging at her side. She was refusing to use it and any time we even went near it she started melting down again. We decided there was something definitely wrong and we needed to take her to the hospital. Knowing how sick Rob was feeling about the whole situation, I thought it would be best if he went to see it through with Olive. Plus I couldn't really leave the groceries up to him anyways.

We must have made quite the scene because after that I had sooo much help from the employees at the store. Maeve was throwing stuff out of the cart and someone was picking it up for me. They helped me pack up my bags and loaded the groceries back on to the cart all while distracting Maeve. It was seriously amazing! I texted Rob at that point to check in. They had only seen the nurses who were convinced that there was definitely something popped out. Olive was the third child that day to have that happen. That made us feel a little bit better. I got Maeve and I some supper and then ordered some for Rob and Olive and headed to the hospital.

I found Olive sitting in a recliner, with a stuffed Pluto from Mickey Mouse, watching cartoons. I then took her to her x-rays. It was so hard to tell that there was even anything wrong. She would be screaming one minute and then using her arm and acting fine the next. I had to get home to unload the groceries and get Maeve to bed so we ended up leaving before the doctor came. According to Rob her shoulder was fine but it was the big bone to her elbow that popped out of place. She could lift her arm and bend it but she couldn't flip it over to show you the palm of her hand. Rob said she was a different kid the second the doctor popped it back in. The staff at the Weyburn General Hospital were absolutely amazing with Olive from the moment they got there. Olive was just pumped to get to stay up way past her bedtime and watch TV. I have to say this might have been a new record for us with unfortunate events happening all in a row. I hope everyone else's week went a little smoother then ours. Or did you have one of those days as well? Id love to hear about it! Sorry I did not take any photos Friday, that was definitely the last thing on my mind but I have included some Rob took on the weekend of the girls.