I've been weighing my options of what I want to do a year from now, when my youngest starts school full-time. As I start coming up with ideas, I have noticed a trend; I like a road that is guaranteed. I favor where I know 100% that I can succeed. But that limits me to where I can go and what I can do. What if the thing that is truly my passion could also be where I could possibly come up short? What if I have to fall a million times before a small success? Do I play it safe, avoid the risks? But what is a risk? And as I go back and forth between all the possibilities, I start to realize the only risk I'd be taking is hurting my pride. That is where my hesitation lies.
My heart has been set on attending Carleton University for Journalism for quite some time now. I have looked into other schools and programs, oddly enough I keep coming back to this one. But it is not just that easy to apply because I don't have the grades to get into the program. There is no worse feeling then feeling like you come up short. It is almost easier to brutally fail than to not be enough. To avoid the heartache, I've done everything to take myself away from that dream. It finally hit me the other day, what would happen if I tried?
So I have enrolled myself back in high school to get my marks up to be competitive enough to get into the program. I think the hard reality is even after I go do all this work to get in, there is still no guarantee I will get accepted. There is still a huge possibility I could come up short again. But life will move on if that happens. I've got other options in place if it doesn't work out. But I am trying! I'm going to admit and say it is a little embarrassing having to go backwards. Nine years go by and I am back. But it is time to remove the stigma around bettering ourselves. Whether it be school or counselling, I have had a lot of discouragement sent my way over these decisions I am making. I just wanted to get on here and talk to those that have been on the fence about making choices like these. Never put down an opportunity to better yourself. I feel like I am giving it 100% not choosing a 100%. So win or lose, I know I have won with a better version of myself. I think that is something worth striving for.